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MASTERING GUILT

Are you saddled with Guilt from some incident?

Guilt is when you feel terrible and ashamed about ‘something’ and can’t go back and change that ‘something’.

Feelings of Guilt don’t just ‘go away’. Often there are secrets associated with that ‘something’ and secrets are never entirely safe.

Examples of events that cause Guilt:

1) Frank had a wonderful, loving relationship with his wife. They were together for seven years when Frank did the unthinkable. A stupid, brief affair with a young woman that did nothing more than to tickle his ego. Frank’s behavior changed after that. He became offensive to his wife, as if finding fault with her somehow justified his affair. In addition, he had to avoid a certain restaurant where he had been seen with his young lover. He lived in fear because others had noticed him with ‘that woman’.

2) Sam was an entrepreneur who had little time for his family. He loved his son, but there was little conveyance of that in his busy life. Sam’s son was killed in an athletic event. Sam carries the Guilt with him, all the things he wanted to share with his son that he never got to say and do. His life is a painful reminder of his mistake, and his only peace is found by working endless hours. His wife and daughter don’t understand that Sam’s Guilt, not only the loss of his son, is the difficulty.

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3) Mrs. B., who loved her dog, was relocating to an apartment and couldn’t keep her pet. She passed her dog on to someone who had answered her ad in the paper. She was hesitant to give the dog to this person, but her major concern at the time was to make a swift selection. She did. Mrs. B. gave it to someone she felt uncomfortable with to solve her dilemma. After she relocated and settled in, she contacted the person who had taken her dog to see how her pet was adjusting. The dog was dead! It had refused to eat and had starved itself. Mrs. B. was shocked, heartbroken and burdened with overwhelming Guilt for having betrayed her beloved dog, and its subsequent death.

If Guilt is haunting you:

1) Are there ‘secrets’ that worry you?

2) How many ways is it effecting your behavior?

3) Do you feel ‘trapped’?

4) Have you punished yourself enough?

The answers to these questions should clarify if you have a problem; and if you are ready and willing to reconcile with it.

The chances are, others could forgive you if they knew and understood the details of your deed. For instance:

Even if Frank and his wife were sexually ‘mismatched’, in a loving relationship, Frank could be forgiven if he came clean, opened up his secret to his wife and told her of his regrets. Perhaps, also discussing other problems that led to his betrayal. Yes, it would be a difficult thing to do and healing would take effort and time. But Life could go on without the pain of Guilt.

In fact, opening up to his wife, letting her know him, by experiencing his honesty and her forgiveness, their bond could be stronger than before. And no secrets!

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With Sam, he lives in a world of Guilt, and a world from the past that he cannot change. But, if he could share his inner feelings with his remaining family, their love and understanding could be the foundation for the reality of ‘Now’! He lost one opportunity to share his love, but he need not lose the opportunity before him now.

In the case where Mrs. B.’s decision caused her dog’s death, she does not have anyone to discuss her feelings with. There are no support groups or close friends or family who knew her pet as she did, or who could appreciate the relationship she had with her dog.

The same strategy for Frank and Sam holds true, however. Mrs. B. needs to confide her deepest feelings. If she were a religious woman, she could have a talk with God.

If God could forgive her, she could forgive herself.

I found myself in a somewhat similar situation once, as Mrs. B. I took a long walk along an isolated beach. My thoughts brought tears to my eyes, even after so many years. I cried, then I screamed, then I fell silent. I said good-bye to my friend who was no longer with me. I sat quiet for a long time. And I imagine my friend’s spirit walks with me and still protects me.

Your Guilt holds you to the past, to something you cannot change.

Are you willing to live with secrets and unreasonable behaviors to hide your Guilt? Are you willing to live with the fear of what others will think? OR~

are you finally ready to confess, to say, “Yes. I did it and I’m sorry.” Can you fathom those words in your mind? After you’ve spoken, do you sense a breath of fresh air, a weight lifted from your shoulders?

No one can hurt you more than you are hurting yourself with your secret and Guilt.

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The old adage: ‘Confession is good for the soul,’ is appropriate for freeing yourself from your Guilt and finding your path to a new beginning.

The fact is, everyone is entitled to make a mistake~ even big ones. When you know you are wrong, that you wouldn’t repeat your behavior again and you have honestly asked for forgiveness, anyone who can’t forgive you may not see your true worth!

There are very few places in Life that are as lonely and heartbreaking as Guilt. To overcome Guilt is truly a test of courage. If you choose to be couragous and confess your shameful deed, you may have to face consequences. But on the other side of your confession, you are an enlightened, Guilt-free person able to go forward in Life. Know that your greatness of Spirit (who you are) is born in those moments when you step forward to face and forgive yourself.

Mastering Guilt is coming to terms with Life and with yourself, so that Life can begin anew, with peace of mind.